you need trauma to snap you out of that conditioning bring you to the brink of death and figure out what you been wishin your mental state will snap and bring you out of your mind your hands and mind will no longer be bind. your brainwashing will all dissapear the true nature of life will all soon be clear this will be the first day of the rest of your life make the most of it and do it right you cANT GO back and do it twice being programmed and re programmed slamming your head into the ground smash it to pulp till all the bits come out when your out of your skin pierce your soul and gaze within temtation never leaves you its with you all the time lifes scary no one gets out alive. scare the life out of you to break the spell we're all mentally ill on the spectrum who says who is ill and who is well get on tablets and inject some theres no doubt in my mind that you will find the purpose of life after you leave the old life behind LOVE YOURSELF AND EVERYONE AROUND YOU. alcahol is dibilitating to your thoughts you can start writing things down sober more prevelent thoughts we;ve all got handlers and puppiteers who is pulling the strings. get sober awaken find your super power. read between the lines. ______________________ dont want to be the fly in the oitment disapointment catistrophoc bombardment you have to self reflect without weed when you smoke it you get creative writing be mindful of your actions. with my diagnosis its best to avoid it all together? best thing it do is go from A to B without making too many ripples has the whole directed advertisement been fabricated to get me to buy and take the mushroom poweder change. adapt. grow. evolve. reflect on the errors of your ways. try to be insightful. what thoughts are you having. what are you thinkin? be aware of your thoughts, any negative> you need to reinvent yourself, thats what you need to do.. try and write more it helps with your mental state? back to the main point, you are an embarassement was it innapropiate to 'compliment' the ticket girl in cinema, saying nice lip piercing?> is speaking your mind as you do wise to blurt that out> when i get that grid lock in my mind its hard to process my thoughts when that passess i can think clearer and more rational thoughts come and go but you write it down then that tought will stay forever. ______________________________ waiting for the sun to rise waiting for my own demise shit will attract the flies i'll be re born when my ego dies ___________- # mixed chinese hor deoruve snp king prawns snp chips bbq sauce deep fri crispy shred beef prawn crackers 28.20______________ lamb tikka sandwich all salad youghurt sauce 2 small chips 2 cans diet pepsi zeso 29.30 the nurses are not saying it out of the blue they are saying it cause its been handed over about me they know somenthing about me that i dont realise they are always watchign she said i'm annoying the baby the only thig you achieved tuesday was annoying the baby, and staff, you DID NOT BOND atall. not touching him right disturnbing his sleep not talking to him today i was talking inapropiate to the baby as liv left the room to nip toilet i was listened to bad mouthing the mum, totally innapropiate. you are poisoning the baby the baby is better off without you. your an embarrasment. you are a pillock and you will cock everything up maybe just dont have anythig to do with the baby you are a twat you are embarrasing and humiliating yourself the nurse said i am annoying, this is relating to tuesdays visit, i just annoyed the baby, prodding poking and talking stupid to him. liv probally been told to 'fall out with me' to let me down gentle, get rid of me I AM NOT DAD MATERIAL i'm a fucking retard. i wouldnt be suprrised if liv said the baby WASNT mine, just to get rid of me, your deluded if you think things are going right, NOTHIGN is going right. Tuesday was a DISASTER ARE YOU RETARDED OR SOMETHING you dont read peoples expressions. You go around with rose tinted specticles on. Going around thinking everythings ok when its not. They are all hate you. deluded Your just not dad material, it's as simple as that. Just go back to your miserble fuckign life and let olivia do the baby thing. No one likes you, people will probally celebrate when you are fucking dead. at the hospital the vital machine went to zero, this was staged to see what i do, i was told sometimes he 'dips' but nether the less, it was a test. they let me feed baby using a drip, did NOT i check the ammount he was drinking was the measurent right? what they told me it was, i should of double checked another test, did you look? NO I DIDNT I FAILED TO CHECK FAILURE Read the room, read peoples emotions/motives, and know your place dont show people your vunerable side or see any weeknesses don't show people the cards you hold, eg. your motives or desires i like to think people are genuine and are not out to manipulat or use you. not everyone has your best interests at heart. I want to grow but its like planting a pumpkin seed and a rose bush grows. QUOTE (ben hur) blessed are the murciful for they will obtain mercy and blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be called the children of god GAMER Total Recall Ready Player One Surrigates Matrix