Tredz
Thomas@1

Shaun Thomas:	THe Diaries and memoirs ?Of a mentally ill (Part 2)


Theres a pyraid of shit of things to get done and im getting to the top
You cant please everyone all of the time only some of the people sometimes
We did alright today, could of been better, could of been worse.
Try to be kind as you do, but don't let people take the piss.
Be careful what you say to people and who your telling what to.

Went to afflecks palace market stall today. I bought an 8mil streacher spike (£5) and a 10mil tunnel for my ear (£3).
Went to monthly blood test today. Then got tram to town with Olivia and Colin.
Had first pint of alcaholic bludweiser today at weatherspoons for the first time since 4 weeks and 3 days.
There were so few people in town today the suicide bommer went home cause it was too quiet (joke)
Song of the day: Eminem - Venom
Went halves on a ten bag of weed Haze.
Embarrasing moment shouting 'get haze' repeatidly, bit manic and excitable.
Try to control your excitability.
Excitement and mania is probally a side effect of sertraline.
Power off
Restart.
Tomorro is always more important than today.
Aspire
WAshing basket
Bat/Alarm
Make tony look good, give him the bottle of champange  for wednesday for nicholas welcoming back.
Fuck tony. collect money he owes and keep him at arms length.
Wordsearch book from olivia as present large print.
Drink water, with vimto, to prevent becomming dehydrated tonight.
Forget about that now, move on
Talk proper to olivia use other people as warm up practice.
Bought eyeliner, maybe get black hair dye, get it 'done' from salan straight and relaxed.
When i get paranoid i like to stay in through fear of being judged.


spent fuel.
long term plan. make one.
radioreactive waste. dumped, rain leach it away. power station
grow. move around the country.
hearts and mind#s of public opinion.
focus. train yourself, you could die, at any time. 
dispose nucular material. stop its movements arond the country.
go to extreme lengths. battle the invaders. blood bath seemes inevitable. it needs autherising.
fellow allied leaders, news, results satisfactory? excieded expectation? total unconditiononal surrender, alter the terms.
modified ultimatium was broadcast. ironically the soften of surrender terms seems to have backfired.
to kill with silent contempt.

reciept pod. open up, spent fuel pods removed. resuse empty flasks.
reprosessing, monitored, reactors from all around the world.
take up througnh entery called sheer cave. they beyone any human contact..
next stage.
agitator. solvant, 2 meteres of concreat, tank, decomission, no one will see ever again.
reuse spent fuel, reprosess. recycle. 3% is still waste. very toxic.
attitudes to safety different.
experiment, cryptium, irodine, amiricium, etc toxic end products. waste, exposure will kill within hours.
foul and dangerous. led glass shields from radiation. powder, granuals heated to 1100 degrees.
no chance of leakage. containers seald and taken away for storage. stacked up ten deep.
radiation produced. deadly. high radioactivity. every isotope is different.
the half life fassit of its character. 
first stages of trust between me and big j.
limitations. don't expect a monkey (dee) can't climb a tree.
wont be SAFE
store the material for very long time.WIDE AWAKE.
shut down, log off, store, core. concrete BLOCK
embrace the terrible truth.
powerful dilemea, embrace to die.
research, b29 super fortrise.

interactions today:
tesco shelf stacker - asking what part of a cow loin steak comes from as i had it in my basket. Why did i even do tjhat?
mc donalds worker - saying that before the referbishment the service was better as they have reduced to number of tills.
did i sound like a crack pot or nutter? how did i navigate the matrix today with my lack of social skills?
look at how you've conducted yourself today, nothing short of embarassing.
thoughts on how it was aucstrated that we stay in our houses around covid time but still are expected to do so.
interesting topic to research, pyschopaths etc. personality traits.

go to hospital and talk to people as a independant therapist.

to do:
ring dad later,
Tell story how i played the busker guitar that had one leg, taxi was waiting watching me play guitar.


be smart minded without the weed. speak your mind don't hold things in like i did when unless an very silent and withdrawn.'
maybe sertraline can help with speaking when i need to.
stop the internal dialog in your head.
speak yourmind.
tell stories like tommy off apprentACE.
faint an inerest in things

todays confrontation4e
left bike at robs in hope of getting more se out of it.
stayed at Robs for an hour after bike track, as soon as he hinted to go, i imediantly ordered a taxi, i can take a hint.
respeaking to tony after a fall out.
use flat ground when i get chance to use the ramp park, forget the ramps for now. focus on flat land tricks, ramps are beyond me for now..
got taxt to ramps in park, put my bmx on the back seat, i sat in front.
upon getting out scratched the seat leather at th eback of the cab with the peddle.
kid on bmx at skate part
asked 'i dont know why they do graffiti' i said i like he he moved on.
maybe he was into it and wanted to konw if i waS TOO.
should of replied: its fucking artwork, mate. would of struck up a friendship/bond. insteAD of saying 'its nice' xyz.
i said to him: give me a line to follow. suggesting he go first on the ramp and i follow, as i didnt really know what i was doing
was it creepy or wierd atall or just trying to learn.
asking for a line is good i can copy other people how they ride to get better.
Playful banter.
if you dont strike up conversation in the first half hour, just leave. don;t hang about like a bad smell.

Dont spend too much time thinking with what happened today. think about tomorowwow.
event in my mind: hanging old tatty bed sheets to dry outside. Embarrasing! Have you no shame? neighbours.
i bought new sheets, washing them as we speak. gona get up at 9am to hang them out to dry.,
Had a good day today. bought beers, took them to ramps in park to ride bmx. went to robs afterwareds, drunk the beers.
keep quiet and to yourself sometimes but don't be afraid to talk. speak if you have to. be perfect for the job. top dog.
accept possiion i feel i could do the job properly my deligation would be superb, lead from the front.
i just muted the tv after it said suicide from betting is getting worse.. surely everythign in life is a bet.
end gambling advertising in footbal, the gov should do this. get gambling out of football.
build up your confidence and build up your leadership skills.
spent the time to do the things that you've wanted to.
get your mood right, align your spirit.
have bigger problems other than a frgile egp.
programmable desease. hobs and shaw film. funny how they insult each other when they are told they must work together.
route out all human weekness and replace with mechanical perfection.
espinage is about blending in, being subtle. you learn more about somebody when you fight them.
the mind is your strongest muscle you should try to excercise that.
people annoy each other when they are flirting. zero chemistry?
sometimes you are too noticable. blend in. 
the more machine you become the more humaine you am.
never, ever, never give up.
When we live to see another sunset we begin to fix the mistakes we've made

pick nick on monday
get champagne n drinks, sandwiches, snacks etc, suncream, spliff, ipod n music. blanket.

apply disciplin to life. no wanking. eat well. limit alcahol. etc.
make it feel like a hotel room when you walk into your flat, go clean it, now.
tiktok doesnt want you to be able to concentrate for more than 30 seconds
weed helps me concentrate and focus on a task and complete it no wether how long it takes etc.
murder is an intersting concept. if you caught your wife in bed with another man, would you@?
minority report pre crime. takes away free will? pre crime world without murder.
i feel the need to control things or manipulate events into happening to suit me.
keep your cards close to your chest on what you are gonna do.
im thinking two days ahead for a change rather than one day, tomorrow is deepack sunday, monday is picnic sex in the park.

re do my songs that are on reverbnation, the best 3, redo lyrics, keep the beats they are good, rap for theripy its 
good to be creative at something. search your mind to come up with freash words. lock yourself up in your room and
focus on your music. keep goin, anything can happen.

long term plan
to learn a life lesson, dad should give all his inheritance to the dogs home, rather than me and jamie.
he;s got dilusions of grande-ja thinking he's gonna inhererite dads money and the lavish life he's already living.	
get away from olivia and get friends with kelvin and annie.
keep away from olivia for now, go to brothel with dee, to put things in perspective what do i really desire?
I've told olivia i want space, she has agreeded, but how long for? will i get back with her? if so what needs to change.
re admision to hospital for a short term might help give me a freash perspective on life.
dee can only go brothel in a week, make a bet i can withstain form olivia till then, first freash pussy in 6 years.
am i done with olivia? how long will this wall of silence last, as i will never admit i am/was in the wrong.
dee thinks i wont last a day before caving in and forgiving her and the plans for the brothel fruitless.
lifes gonna take a very serious detor very soon. life lessons will come into question.
if you wake up in a different time, in a diffenent place, can you wake up as a different person?
maybe going back to hostel to assess my life situation would be beneficial. keep my flat safe, but have a short recall.
told dad the funny busker story.

Recievev TSB home insurance policy letter. i rang Tsb home insurance this monday afternoon as end of contract was approaching. 
I nogotiated a lower rate. talked to her on customer level. before ending call i said
where are you based, she said Perth, i should of said 'oh scotland? how is the weather up there?' would of been nice. but i didn't.
i cant do everything perfect, but its not about perfection, its about the journey/pursuit.
reflect on the days events but don't obsess over them, learn and move on.
don't over analyise everything.
do not go mr bakers again. tony hate#s me just like laura staff hated me after a while after the park run timees.
When the relationship has become sour. ditch it, get rid, burn thoes bridges.
as an example of a response to a question, she says, if you spill a drink for example you could claim on it'
i should of said 'I GET A NEW COUCH IF I SPILL A DRINK ON IT:' ?? as a joke.
i over heard tony talking about her car, was this a test to see if i was listenng/watching/being pervy.?
i said 'are you ok, tony?' in a slow gentle soft patronising caring manner, so embarassing. probally sounded really... creepy?
When tony brought my breakfast out, i said 'wow that was fast' she said 'its only an agg and singles' (beans, toast, etc)
I had diareeah soon after eating the breakfast, did they put something in it to ail me?
is that wierd, she might of conluded that i am trying to hang around her, in a creepy pervey shalkish way. consider that.
Shaun, you need better social skills to read people better. Better relationship skills too so you can 'chat someone up' 
with out comming across retarded manner.
i can fuck up conversations withing 30 seconds when meeting new people.
My telephone voice today on phone to TSB why do we talk in this manner over the phone>?
im i responsible to make theses life changing desisions?
don't be a tight fisten lingering fuck, when buying rizzle paper in the shop for 30p, before walking round the shop,im a pain.
i only lingered cause the shop was fucking empty. if it was busy i probally would of been in and out.
redeem yourself. when your next in there, be quick in purchasing something, maybe spend a respectable amount of money.
'looking at things' making glances towards the shop keeper casually making small talk.
in the bank you CAN linger, check your ballance reciept, stand around as i work out my expences. this is an exception to most places.
Go asdas one more time, stock up with lots of food and get everything you need. then you don't HAVE to go out.
If you do need to go out, play a game. 'Don't talk to anybody'
i hope i meet tatiana tomorrow, i am getting up at 12:30, leaving at 1. Appointment is half 1. 
meeting dr blatner, answer her questions as confidently acurate and truthal as i can.
try not to make plans. don't try control things, they don't always come to commision.

just got linked, sonny, alex, dave.
had a neighbourly chat, held my own, followed and understood what was being said.
train your brain to work at optimum efficiency.

to get full benefit from sertraline request 200mg daily.
went cold turkey from sertraline, requested dr to prescribe Mirtazaping, not yet to pick up script.

I am many different people.
i am shaun as a son
i am boyfriend with olivia
i am 'hospital mindset' when sectioned
...... 
one way as 'doctor patient' when seeing doctor/bloods people or going gp
i have an online profile in facebook youtuve and tiktok. that isnt really 'me' but the person i percieve to be.
i have been knowned as homless
been known as 'inmate' in HMP, defendant in court
shaun pryce thomas... who is that.
i am a telephone character when talking to people on the phone. eg. chinese, taxi rank.
talk confidently with everyone build your character and persona.
thought of the day given as advice, if the police stop you, run, throw the weed.
the character the passona the fiction the idendity
t








hospital shaun
today confrontations
queuing up in asda self service, long line, asda staff girl queued up behind me.
chatted to her, was the interaction??

fight or dies
ego.
do not load the pellet co2 gun atall, police will shoot you dead if caught with it, outside etc.

 	did i act genuine. be yourself,

a seamless transition with no break in service

dont go tanzania just cancel it your not ready with your current statue of your mental health righgt now.

found hair in my bacon today in mr bakers, they did it as a message, to say, cut your hair. its shit
didnt make eye contact me at at all


Look how i was acting today


you look like a faggot today
placed hand basket at my feet and pushed it along as i queued in asda. finally bening over to look
like i take it up the arse gay

put a door on my bedroom thats sound proof. cameras in hallway one looking down 
and one lookin at the door, route all this to a laptop in my bedroom .
get a pull out couch for the lounge?

6 weeks exactly for tomatoes cycellium colignisation, go into fruiting stange, now.

were thoes messages for me what jasmins niece drew on the cark park
somthing like
murderer
ill find you and kill your
why would someone write that?


Kitchen pouring with smoke, put in pancakes for 2:30 instead of 00:30

focus.

Touch the darkness once more.
Adventures should be shared.

I went to sleep in cinemas was i hypnotised? i had 'gone under' and slept.

As a child, confronting people was always a problem.
as an adult .

Confrontations today:
lady staff in gift doctor had 'shut' but i wakled in thinking it was open, got to the counter, then told its shut.
potential: mavis, dads new old wife
tony on few occasions, discussing mushrooms and talking outside ofter getting a bud
dont seem to plot things, tell people things at last minuet
dad on phone around 10pm saying im going to kelvins, but i witheld the fact i was going to smoke weed. why
TELL him in future rather then doing drugs behind his back.
am i a grass and extremely not loyal.
im an unwanted child, dad got jamie, mum got sarah, a girl.

fuck you.

part of childhood trauma is wanting or needing attention.

Tablets im on/been on
Clozapine
Diazapam
Sertraline
Mirtazapine
Propranolol

Olivia told Colin that i went to gp yesterday, he replied, 'oh so shauns gone ahead and finanally killed himself'
yes i used to cut myself and its on display for the world to see, but
why would he think i would do something like that

buy new matress on Monday, from homezone priced 4.99, pay half each, me and olivia.
be more private and street smart, everyone is conspiring and gossiping.
get an ironing board for your bedroom so you can iron tee shirts etc.
eat better to avoid keep having diareeah, healty foods fruit etx.
slept until 6am this afternoon, only woke up for drink and toilet twice. breathing was ok.
we are all playing a character. and everyone is gonna judge you .
d0 you want anything else says jhon wayne. only a peaceful hour/(in the pub
woman can be hysterical.
how are you> im as chipper as a jay bird.
be compasinate with people
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